The Conversation Your Association Keeps Postponing

A committee chair keeps changing an agreed deadline. Staff begin planning around the possibility of another change. The executive hears about the frustration, but everyone hopes the next project will go differently.

In this hypothetical association, the unresolved issue is already affecting the work. It is taking time to manage around an agreement people no longer trust.

That is where I would begin a difficult conversation. I would want to understand what is happening to delivery, what each person believes they can decide, and what needs to change. Labeling someone “difficult” tells us very little about any of that.

Find the question you actually need to resolve

Association conflict can involve the substance of a decision, the way work is assigned, a damaged relationship, or several of these at once. A debate about a conference format may include an unresolved question about whose advice carries weight. A disagreement over a deadline may reflect uncertainty about who can revise it.

A review of 116 studies found that relationship conflict and process conflict were generally associated with poorer group outcomes. Disagreement about the task itself had a more complicated relationship with performance, depending on the setting and its connection to personal conflict. That research gives us reason to examine the kind of disagreement we are having. It offers little support for the blanket claim that conflict automatically makes teams better.

Before speaking with someone, write one sentence about the decision or working agreement you need to resolve. Keep it concrete. “We need a process for approving deadline changes” gives the conversation a purpose. “We need a better attitude around here” leaves everyone guessing.

Also identify what you know directly. If you have a record of three changes, use it. If you have heard concerns from others, say so carefully and avoid presenting secondhand accounts as established fact.

Consider who can safely disagree

An executive and a volunteer chair may appear to be peers while holding different kinds of power. The chair may influence the executive's standing with the board. The executive may control access to staff and information. A junior employee brought into the conversation may have considerably less room to challenge either of them.

Research on psychological safety has linked a team's perceived ability to take interpersonal risks with learning behavior. The original study involved manufacturing teams, rather than associations. My application is to pay attention to what happens when someone raises a concern: whether it receives a fair hearing, whether the person loses standing, and whether the group learns anything from it.

I would avoid asking a staff member to confront a powerful volunteer alone just because direct communication sounds desirable. The executive may need to address the working agreement with the chair, protect staff from competing instructions, or involve the board chair where the issue crosses their respective authority.

Harassment, discrimination, threats, and retaliation require appropriate organizational action. They should not be treated as a mutual misunderstanding that the affected person is expected to settle informally. A leader's responsibility includes stopping harmful conduct and using the association's relevant procedures.

Say what the work requires

For an ordinary disagreement, choose a time and setting that allow a serious discussion. Give the person enough information to prepare. Avoid turning a public meeting into a surprise appraisal.

In the hypothetical deadline situation, an opening I would use is: “The delivery dates for the last three committee projects changed after staff had scheduled the work. I want us to agree on how changes are approved so members receive what we have promised. What was happening from your side?”

The opening gives the chair something specific to discuss and leaves room for information the executive may not have.

Listen to the answer before preparing a rebuttal. The chair might have received new information, misunderstood the approval process, or been responding to a commitment someone else made. You may discover a problem in the association's instructions. You may also discover a behavior that needs a firm limit.

Listening should improve the accuracy of the decision. It does not require you to leave the expectation unresolved. Be explicit about what the work needs and which parts are open to discussion.

Leave with an agreement you can revisit

I would close this conversation by confirming who can change a deadline, how staff will be consulted, and how the association will communicate any revision. Record the agreement in a place the people doing the work can use.

Keep the follow-up proportionate. The next project may provide enough information to tell you whether the agreement is working. If the same problem returns, discuss the record and decide what further action is required. Repeatedly beginning the same conversation from scratch can make an expectation feel optional.

Check your own contribution, too. Did you agree to conflicting requests? Did you allow informal exceptions without telling the team? Did the organization leave a volunteer responsible for an outcome while withholding the information needed to deliver it?

For the conversation you have been postponing, prepare a short note with the observable pattern, its effect on the work, the agreement needed, and the person who has authority to address it. That preparation can help you speak plainly and listen well. It can also reveal that the first conversation needs to be with someone different from the person you initially blamed.

References

1. de Wit, F. R. C., Greer, L. L., & Jehn, K. A. (2012). The paradox of intragroup conflict: A meta-analysis. Journal of Applied Psychology, 97(2), 360-390. Read the source.
2. Edmondson, A. (1999). Psychological safety and learning behavior in work teams. Administrative Science Quarterly, 44(2), 350-383. Read the source.

Training and reading background

• Craig, L. (2026, September 28). Why Conflict Finds Us All and the Journey to Do Something About It [Training slides]. American Veterinary Medical Association; VMAE INSPIRE!